Sins of her Father
by Laurensmiles
Summary: Twelve years ago, Lyla Garrity would have scoffed at the idea of her ever cheating on somebody... Fanfic that explores Lyla in the future- will contain appearances by other FNL characters. I won't pretend that she's going to be easy to like in this one, but hopefully that keeps it interesting. It works in accordance with the events in my other one-shots.
1. Chapter 1

Twelve years ago, Lyla Garrity would have scoffed at the idea of her ever cheating on somebody. After all, she intended to live her perfect life with Jason Street. But of course, the accident happened and that whole plan slowly went to hell. Next thing she knew, she landed directly into Tim Riggins's perfectly sculpted arms. She transformed into the type of girl who cheated on her paralyzed boyfriend. Instead of stopping right then and confessing to Jason, she slept with Tim sporadically until they both got caught.

After Jason forgave her, Lyla worked to forgive herself. She never could take any of it back. Her actions had branded her with an imaginary scarlet letter. Still, she promised herself never to cheat again. She didn't excuse what happened with Jason, but she could admit that the circumstances had been extraordinary. It wasn't everyday that all the dreams for your future shattered. If she had been in a better state, she never would have sunk so low. She considered herself far from the typical cheater. For the typical cheater, someone like her father, cheating was a character flaw; for Lyla, cheating originated purely from a terrible sequence of events.

For the next few years, Lyla swung from one committed relationship to the next. She tried to reunite with Jason, only completely letting go a few years later when she got to know Noah. Fortunately, Jason remained one of her friends. During her extremely religious phase, she strung Chris along for a bit. He lived in an environment familiar to her own, but she couldn't manufacture any truly significant feelings for him. Of course, her inability to love Chris had a lot to do with Tim. Aside from her reluctance, she finally dabbled in an actual relationship with Tim Riggins.

For awhile, Lyla and Tim lingered in a fantasy world where mind-blowing sex and enjoying each other's company could be enough. Eventually, all fantasies end. During her first break from college, she went back to visit him. Despite one wonderful weekend, it became especially apparent that she would never end up with Tim. She had known it all along, but finally had to let go. Part of her wanted to stay, just to live out the fantasy, just to please him. Instead, she left, knowing that staying wouldn't be fair for Tim when reality finally set. By the time Tim ended up in jail, Lyla recognized how reality always set.

At Vanderbilt, Lyla focused on creating her own identity apart from boys. Going into college, she had no plan. Well, she wanted to make a difference, but didn't everybody? She didn't have any particular career path in mind to accomplish her goal. She lived in her continuous state of "what ifs". After having her old plan crash down, she feared building a new one. It seemed pointless, but at the same time, having no plan made her feel stuck. For so many years, Lyla had based her decisions on a tremendously large plan. Paradoxically, she struggled to move forward without one.

At some point, Lyla learned that merely living life could add details to a new plan. She ended up entering a Vanderbilt master's program to become a guidance counselor. Tami Taylor's impact on her life had been tremendous. By helping others with their high school troubles, Lyla felt she could make the greatest impact. In a way, she already considered herself experienced. She had gone through both terrible personal issues dealing with her boyfriend's paralysis and cheating as well as the petty high school issues regarding popularity and catty girls. In addition, she would be instrumental in helping people decide about college. Her decision to go to Vanderbilt had shaped her, but her fear to leave so much behind almost held her back. She wanted to help people get to where they were meant to be, regardless of any plan gone array.

During her time in graduate school, Lyla met the extraordinarily charming Carter Petrelli. After a few months of cat and mouse, Carter finally asked her out to dinner. She eagerly accepted. For the next two years, she dated Carter. Unlike all of her previous boyfriends, Lyla resisted from letting Carter define her. Quickly, the relationship became her most serious since Jason. Carter adored her, dropping off spontaneous bouquets at her door and watching the cheesiest reality dating shows by her side. Last year, he asked her to marry him with the perfect proposal. At some point, she began creating a plan again beginning with their wedding in the fall and the prosperous future they would share. She never learned. On cue, she set her plan on fire.

Twelve years ago, Lyla Garrity would have scoffed at the idea of her ever cheating on somebody. Eleven years ago, she would have promised that she never would cheat again. Today, she lies in a bed next to a man who isn't her fiancée. Today, Lyla Garrity continues her second affair.

When she first considers having sex with Gabriel, she recognizes the hypocrisy. Another affair would be hypocritical on so many levels. Primarily, she thinks about her job. How can she preach answers to kids when she continues to make immoral decisions? She knows that Mrs. Taylor certainly never would have cheated on Coach. Besides her job, there's the obvious hypocrisy of not learning from her past mistakes.

Despite the warnings that flash through her mind, she gives into the desire easily. It all happens far too easily. As she prepares to sleep with Gabriel for the first time, she wants to blame the alcohol coursing through her veins. Grasping at anything, she realizes the excuse is implausible. After all, she still recognizes right from wrong. If she's able to debate about the decision, drinking too much really can't excuse anything. She leaps onto the next scapegoat- perhaps Carter isn't fulfilling her needs anymore. He couldn't even attend the stupid birthday party with her. Thinking about Carter in any form makes her sick. Even in the moment, she knows this is far from her perfectly wonderful fiancée's fault. It's hers.

Even if she could have rationalized sleeping with Gabriel once, she can't even begin to excuse her decision to meet him again. After the night following their first meeting at the bar, she continually visits his apartment. Usually, it happens during the daylight or the evening when she knows Carter won't notice that she's missing. Today is their thirteenth time meeting up. Lucky thirteen. Without fail, Lyla keeps count. Unlike usual, they meet up late tonight. Since Carter's away on business, it really doesn't matter.

Trying not to wake Gabriel, she slides off the bed. She constantly considers how seriously screwed up she must be to sleep around yet again. She analyzes why she ruins everything good in her life. Does she have feelings of inadequacy? Or perhaps, she simply fears happiness. No psychological reason satisfies her.

Even with her careful maneuvering, Gabriel's eyes open. "Where are you going?" he asks, his words clumping together from tiredness. As if to wake himself up, he sits up a little bit.

"Home," she answers dryly. She tries to cut herself off emotionally from Gabriel, as if it makes the affair a little better. She's so screwed up.

"You said he's not around tonight," Gabriel replies, referring to Carter. He hardly ever uses Carter's name. Lyla guesses it makes Gabriel feel better to depersonalize Carter. Without a name, the other man feels a lot less real.

"He's not," Lyla confirms. "You know there's still no reason for me to stay here," she remarks, letting her voice soften a little. She honestly doesn't want to hurt him.

By now, a twisted part of her does care about Gabriel. She tries so hard to separate her emotions, but she's never been good at having sex without feelings. Unlike her, he doesn't have some significant other. She realizes that he wants her to leave Carter, to actually be with him instead. Lately, he's asked her to consider it. She shakes her head, unable to promise him lies. Constantly, Gabriel showers her with compliments. During the sex, she lets him say whatever he wants. In fact, she embraces the words. Any other time, she discourages the idolization. It makes her uncomfortable since she knows it's only a matter of time until she's only going to disappoint him. It makes her feel too much.

Gabriel looks hurt anyways. "It'd be nice if we could stay together one night," he murmurs, watching her intently as she pulls on her jeans. He's already become too attached. Has she as well?

Shrugging him off, she silently begs him to let it go. "You know it's not like that, Gabriel," she says with an unbearably sweet tone. Her voice even rings false in her own ears. She can imagine how ridiculous she sounds to him. "We don't have to do this if it's hurting you," she adds, knowing just how to get him to stop.

"It's not- forget it," he answers abrasively.

Lyla nods. Time after time, Gabriel chooses to let her treat him terribly in order to keep this charade going. Continuously, she manipulates his infatuation with her. She never understands why he accepts the treatment. How can he even like her when she acts in such an awful way? It causes her stomach to sink more. Hurriedly, she pulls her sweater over her head. "This needs to end," she informs him. She has said the same phrase nearly every time they meet. "I'm just hurting you- and I'm hurting Carter too."

As Lyla gathers her keys, Gabriel gets out of bed. Wrapping his arms around her, he approaches her from behind. "Gabriel." She isn't sure whether she's chastising or welcoming him. Gently, he nibbles on her ear lobe. Now, she's definitely welcoming him. As she drops her keys back into her bag, she sighs. When the effort's sexual, he wins so easily.

"I need you," Gabriel murmurs directly into her eardrum. "I want you so badly, Lyla," he whispers, continuing to kiss her. She can say all she wants. If she doesn't actually act, what's the difference?

As her jeans come back off again, she thinks of Carter. She always thinks about Carter, and yet, she's here. Shoving Carter's face out of her thoughts, her mind wanders to Tim. Tim began as an illicit affair. Who's to say she can't make something real with Gabriel? Even as she considers the thought, she knows it's incredibly wrong. She logically thinks of Jason next. Oh, Jason would be so disappointed. Thinking of his disappointment still profoundly affects her. Even as she thinks about all of them, she continues on with Gabriel until she loses herself in him. Only then do the thoughts disappear. Only then does the guilt evaporate, just for a moment.

She tells herself the feeling's enough to keep this affair going. She clings to the notion that there's a reason for her stupidity.

It's another fantasy. It's not enough. Nothing about it ever fulfills her. Constantly, she yearns for more. She knows it's all entirely her fault. She cares and feels strangely apathetic all at once.

Once again, Lyla lies in bed with Gabriel, thinking but unmoving. Absolutely still.


	2. Chapter 2

On Saturdays, Lyla makes blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Alone or not, she faithfully cooks them each week. After eating well the rest of the week, she considers her delicious pancakes a treat. When she moved into Carter's apartment, the tradition stuck. Whenever he's home on a Saturday, he devours her blueberry pancakes along with her. Liking tradition, being able to share her little weekly indulgence made Lyla unbelievably happy…until it did not.

"Are you hungry?" Gabriel mumbles. Lying beside her in bed, he strokes her hair. Despite her reluctance, Lyla has slept over at his place for the first time. It is now Saturday morning.

"No, no. I'm fine," she chokes back to him. All she can think about are the pancakes. With each reckless day, she loses something else. Why would she think that the pancakes could be spared?

Tracing his fingers across her clavicle, Gabriel continues to touch her. He's always touching her, like he can't be satiated. "Well, can I at least get you a drink?" he offers, trying so hard. She feels the twinge in her stomach again. He treats her so well. She doesn't deserve for men to treat her so well. Sometimes she wonders if everything would be better off if men judged her for her poor character rather than her well-defined figure. She assumes that must be the case; after all, something must mask the fact that she is an awful person.

Lyla accepts, asking for water. She knows that he will just keep going if she refuses a drink. She needs him to stop. When he leaves the room, she pulls a pillow on top of her face. She screams into it, still afraid to shriek too audibly. She doesn't trust the pillow's protection to hide all the screaming inside of her. Is she completely mad? After a moment, she throws the pillow aside. He's only grabbing a glass of water.

With a lazy smile across his face, Gabriel enters the room with a water glass in each hand. "Here you are, beautiful," he presents one glass to her smoothly. His ability to add compliments to any task astounds her. He plops back down next to her on the bed.

"Thank you," she replies, as graciously as possible. Immediately, she takes a sip. Pam and Buddy would be so proud of her manners, if she left out where she employed them these days.

Clearing his throat, Gabriel doesn't quite look her in the eye. He nervously begins to speak, "So, I was thinking that maybe we could get some brunch in awhile. There's this little place down the-"

On the spot, Lyla almost starts crying. As much as she tries, she can't deny that he obviously cares about her. She wonders how he envisions Carter. Besides mentioning Carter's existence from the start, Lyla hardly discusses her fiancée with Gabriel. Gabriel probably assumes that Carter drove her to cheat. He probably visualizes her silly and humorous fiancée as an abusive jerk. How wrong. If only he met Carter, then Gabriel would see that she's nothing more than an awful person, unworthy of brunch proposals or really any sort of proposals.

Biting her lip, she tries to refuse nicely. She ends up sounding rather condescending, "Sweetie, I can't go to brunch with you. You know that we can't go out together like we're a couple." She pauses, unable to pull her gaze away from his face. She needs to punish herself by watching every aspect of his reaction. As expected, he looks crushed. "Thank you very much for the offer though," she adds as if it makes her words better. She pats his arm.

Gabriel looks disappointed. By now, Lyla assumes that he must feel so exasperated with her antics. Rather than saying anything, he grabs the remote to flick on the bedroom television set. At first, she sits quietly as he settles on some History channel documentary. For a second, she thinks he wants to punish her with the stupid History channel. The idea quickly disappears as she realizes that he doesn't even know what type of television she loves or hates.

"I should go," she murmurs. Unlike last time, she can tell he's not about to stop her. She scurries over to the dresser to gather her belongings. She shouldn't have stayed so long. Staying the night broke every unspoken rule of their secret "_thing"_.

As Lyla's about ready to leave, he finally glances at her. "He's not back until Monday?" Gabriel verifies about Carter's timeline. She wishes she didn't tell him the specifics. It makes every plan they make that much more concrete.

"Yes," she replies, pulling her pocketbook onto her shoulder. Carter bought her the Coach bag as her twenty eighth birthday present.

"Come back tonight?" he warily questions. It's as much of an apology as it is a request.

Lyla should say no, but of course she does the opposite. Peering out the window, she nods. She hardly can control her response anymore. It all feels automatic. Still, she doesn't look him in the eye. Whenever she agrees to another encounter out loud, it makes her feel especially dirty. In her mind, looking at him makes those emotions all the more visible.

"Nine?" he suggests as a time. Normally, he would offer to share take-out first but she has lost that gesture today. She doesn't mind. Declining a Chinese food or pizza dinner would have been too much for her after refusing the brunch. Out of some odd sense of obligation, she would have felt compelled to say yes.

"See you then," she confirms to him with a faint smile.

Apparently the smile makes Gabriel forgive her. He jumps out of the bed to walk her to the door. Always the gentleman. Sometimes, his unending chivalry reminds her a bit of the way Jason used to be many years ago. Before she leaves, he kisses her softly goodbye. In different circumstances, she might have considered it nice.


	3. Chapter 3

When Lyla gets home, she immediately heads for the shower. Taking a shower after one of her escapades has become a ritual. It separates everything in Gabriel's apartment from Carter's place. In a way, it divides the fantasy world from her real life.

After her shower, Lyla considers preserving her pancake tradition. She quickly decides against the idea. Any pancakes made today would undoubtedly taste tarnished. Instead, she settles on going online. The Skype icon in the corner of her desktop catches her attention. It's only eleven in the morning, but she knows who most likely will be online. Suddenly, what she needs to do becomes incredibly clear to her. She readily clicks on the icon and signs onto the video chat.

Right away, Lyla sees Jason's username lit up in green at the top of the page. Half of the time, he stays online to converse with various members of his athlete cliental. Even on a Saturday afternoon, a little bit later East Coast time, he's available. She prays that he's actually nearby as she clicks the video call button.

To her relief, Jason answers quickly. "Oh hey there, Genie," he greets her, referencing the turban style towel on top of her head. It does look a little _I Dream of Genie_. "Do I get three wishes or do you not go for that whole deal?"

Rolling her eyes, Lyla shakes her head. By now, she expects the teasing from him. "I think you're confusing one Genie with the whole other Aladdin Genie, unless you're intentionally saying that I look blue."

"Now that you mention it, you do look kind of blue. What's up with you, sad eyes?" Jason transitions. His careful switch reminds her how her old friend always can move seamlessly from his humor to seriousness, not to mention read her emotions.

"I'm not doing so hot," she replies, trying to keep a small smile on her face.

"Uh-oh. Don't tell me Buddy Garrity took a surprise road trip out to Tennessee to spend the weekend with you," Jason speculates, surely picking a scenario he knows would drive her a little insane.

Lyla laughs a little bit. "Oh God, that'd be terrible. Please don't say that out loud. Daddy might end up with the idea in his big old head," she plays along, afraid to return to her real problem. Can she bring herself to tell Jason? He always helps her. Despite facing his inevitable disappointment, she trusts him completely.

Jason guesses again, "Alright, let's see, is it something to do with the kids at school? Some crazy sex scandal going down that all falls upon Miss Guidance Counselor Garrity to save the day?" With the way that she throws herself into her work, the guess is a lot more serious. Often, she shares wacky situations at school with Jason. Other days, she does ask for advice. Jason always gives such good advice.

"Nah. I've been whipping all those kids into shape," she jokes, still avoiding the subject. She wishes she could ask him how to solve some teen's problem just as an alternative to what she's about to say.

Of course, Jason doesn't just let the topic go. "So spill," he insists, still willing to take on whatever she needs. If only he could see some giant flashing neon sign to warn him.

Still afraid, Lyla ponders how to approach her confession. "What would it take for you to hate me?" she asks, carefully considering if her compulsion to come clean is worth risking her longest friendship.

Jason looks at her as if she's a little bit crazy. "Oh gee, I don't know- maybe if you became a Redskins fan," he teases, alluding to their infamous rivalry with his beloved Cowboys. "Don't tell anyone I said that though. I'm supposed to be unbiased and all with my job," he laughs.

"Jason, come on, I need you to be serious here. It's really important," she stresses, impatient now from the anxiety building inside of her.

Making a point of hiding his grin, Jason gives her his best serious look. "Nothing could make me hate you, Lyla," he responds genuinely.

She doesn't believe him. "What about when I slept with Tim? You hated me then, didn't you?" she challenges. As much as she still dreads bringing that time period up, she needs to know. Given the situation, it seems especially pertinent now.

"Are you planning on pulling out memories from the Clinton administration next? Geez Lyla, that was ages ago," Jason levelly remarks. Now, she sees him watching her a little more closely with concern. He sighs. "If it makes you feel better, I didn't hate you then either. I could never hate you. Ever."

Convinced, Lyla nods. She needs to tell him. "What if I told you I did it again?" she questions without specifying what she's referring to with the "it".

Lyla intends to ease into revealing how horrible of a person she continues to be. She still isn't certain that she's making the right decision about telling Jason. It's all a whim. On her way home, she certainly didn't plan to tell him everything. With the guilt like a wrecking ball, the urge to tell him came upon her suddenly. As much as she knows that he surely will be disappointed, he's the only one who might not completely hate her. She wants to hear some advice even if it involves her being reprimanded for her actions. In fact, she expects him to scold her.

"Did what again?" Jason immediately specifies. She's caught his attention.

By now, tears are forming in the corners of her eyes. "What I did to you- with Tim," she whispers nearly inaudibly.

"You slept with Timmy again?" Jason concludes incredulously. It scares her that the assumption seems much better than the alternative. He continues, "But he's with Tyra now, and then there's-"

Lyla interrupts him before he goes too far. "No, not Tim," she hastily corrects him. "What I did to you with Tim," she repeats slowly, begging him to realize what she means without her saying the words directly to him.

His mouth opens to form a little circle. He understands. "You're cheating on your boyfriend?" There it is. Someone finally says it out loud.

"My fiancée," Lyla whispers. "Yes," she confirms, her voice breaking as the tears splatter down her cheeks. "Yes I am," she reiterates through the tears.

"Lyla," Jason says her name gently, but she can hear the disapproval in the edges of his voice. Until she tells him the whole story, she knows he won't judge her. He has always been a big believer of hearing people out and trying to see their perspective.

Looking away from the computer, Lyla bites nervously at her thumbnail. She lets her tears slip down her cheeks. She takes a slow deep breath. "It started on my friend Hannah's birthday," she begins, stumbling over the words. "We went to this bar. You know, I hardly do bars anymore since I've been working, but it was a special occasion."

Patiently, Jason listens to her tell him about the night. She explains how Gabriel bought her a drink from across the room. Normally, she would accept with a little smile and let it go. During the day of the party, she had been fighting with Carter. He was supposed to join them for Hannah's celebration, but felt too tired after work. Stupidly, they argued about priorities and work dictating his life. In a bitter state, she ended up going alone to meet Hannah. When Gabriel began flirting with her, she played along. She didn't intend for it to go any further. Hannah and the rest of the crew announced that they were heading out to another bar. Rather than joining them, she told them she planned on calling it a night. She meant it too. At the time, she planned on sharing one last free drink from Gabriel and then heading home.

After everyone left the bar, Gabriel leaned forward to kiss her. She finally admitted to him that she was engaged. She murmured a thing or two about her fight with her boyfriend. Before the night out, she had left her ring on her dresser. Later, she rationalized that she didn't want to risk losing it while partying. In actuality, she decided to leave it behind because of her argument with Carter. She convinced Gabriel that she needed to leave. He offered to share a cab, which she accepted.

Lyla decides to spare Jason the details of what happened after she left with Gabriel. She summarizes the aftermath of the cab ride simply, "One thing led to the next and I ended up at his apartment rather than mine." She pauses, finally looking right at Jason. She tries to gauge his reaction. He looks a little astonished. "I don't know why I did it, Jason."

Calmly, Jason nods. "Did it only happen once?" he asks.

Lyla wants to lie to him, to keep some of his ideals about her alive. She's already gone too far to stop now. Besides, Jason would see right through her. Regretfully, she shakes her head. "No."

Jason groans. "How many times, Lyla?"

Shaking her head, she declines to say the exact number. If she tells him thirteen, he absolutely will be disgusted with her. "Too many," she replies. It's the truth. She sleeps with Gabriel far too frequently. She's certain that she's not a good person anymore.

"Oh man, Lyla," he responds with so much disappointment. These days, she deserves every ounce of his disappointment.

Lyla wants to slink away from the computer to hide under her comforter and never come out. Hearing someone else express the extent of her flaws emphasizes her guilt. "I know," she murmurs. It's all she can think to say. She has no excuses.

Jason scrunches his eyebrows a little. Lyla can tell that he's struggling to give her good advice. "You need to tell Carter," he informs her. Of course, she already realizes that she needs to tell Carter; still, it's a lot harder to complete the act of confessing to him. Despite everything, she doesn't want to lose Carter. So selfish.

"I can't," she mutters, probably making Jason hate her more.

Immediately, Jason disagrees, "Yes you can and you have no choice. He deserves to know." She wonders if he's thinking back to when she hurt him by cheating with Tim. Reaffirming her thoughts, his voice softens when he continues, "Do you love the other guy- that Gabriel?"

Lyla flashes him a look of disgust. "No!" she answers quickly. "Of course I don't love him, Jason." She immediately realizes that it's silly to act like the accusation's preposterous. He knows as well as her that she fell in love with Tim.

Without question, Jason believes her. "Okay," he replies softly. "You know how to handle this without me telling you. You're gonna have to stop the affair and fix things with Carter. C'mon Lyla, you're a good person."

"I'm not a good person," she tells him. It surprises her that he still believes some essence of that statement.

A slight smile forms on his face. Despite the smile, Jason looks sad. "You absolutely are a good person. You're just…human." When she doesn't respond, he continues, "Oh come on, I've known you since we were in middle school. I know you. It kills me that you can't see it yourself."

"How can you say that, Jason? I just told you about just how horrible I am." Lyla's voice breaks, "Carter's a good person. He's a wonderful man- and somehow, a wonderful man isn't good enough for me." She almost wants Jason to yell at her. After all she's done, she deserves the pain.

"Maybe you're punishing yourself because you don't feel good enough," Jason suggests.

It might be true. Honestly, she struggles to understand the reasons behind her own destructive behavior. She shrugs, unable to offer Jason any insight.

Suddenly, Jason pounds his fist down against what she guesses is a table. "God Lyla, stop. You're amazing. You need to stop punishing yourself all the goddamn time." He pauses. "You deserve to be happy," he adds, emphasizing the words.

"Do I, Jason?" Lyla earnestly asks. She isn't so sure anymore. "Because maybe, after awhile, I lose that privilege." She expects him to ponder what she's saying. She expects a delay before he can answer her truthfully.

Instead, Jason replies immediately, "That's complete bullshit."

Lyla can't quite believe him. She moves onto the next pertinent issue. "I don't know how to tell Carter," she admits, ashamed at how pathetic she sounds. After bringing the problem upon herself, she sounds so weak like a little damsel in distress.

"I can't give you some step-by-step. You need to figure that part out on your own," Jason gently responds. "I believe in you though, if that helps. I know you can make this all right."

Jason still believes in her. It means more than she can possibly express, even though she knows she doesn't deserve his unending support. "Thank you," she whispers. "I really appreciate your help."

"What kind of friend would I be if I ditched you now after everything we've been through?" Jason asks lightly. Even in the direst of circumstances, he always tries to raise the mood. "You've made a mistake. God knows that I've made a bunch myself. There's no weakness in forgiveness, right?"

Years ago, Jason told her where her that those were Tami Taylor's magic words that guided him to forgiving her for cheating. Hearing them again causes an idea to pop into her head. "I think I know what I have to do next," she replies.

"Of course you do," Jason agrees, most likely assuming that she's referring to a confession. In a way, she is talking about telling Carter, but not just yet. First, she needs to do a little traveling.

If Lyla gets a head start right now, she can be back for school on Wednesday morning. As for Monday and Tuesday, she can use up a couple of her sick days. It's the only plan that's feels right to her so far. Relying on her instincts often proves to be a mistake, but leaving feels undeniably right. In order to tell Carter, she first needs to pay a visit to her old home town.

"I need to go," Lyla tells Jason. "But thank you again, for everything." Like always, talking to Jason makes everything so much clearer.

Jason smiles a little. "Alright now, go make it better. You keep me updated, okay?"

"Absolutely," she murmurs with a tiny tight-lipped smile back at him. "Good bye Jason," she concludes, clicking the icon to end the call. The sooner she leaves the better. With so much to accomplish, she needs to book a flight right now. Fortunately, she has plenty of extra money. Carter's well enough off that her salary almost goes straight back to her own personal use. She has to call and cancel with Gabriel. Tonight, she won't be available.

Lyla Garrity is going back to Dillon.


	4. Chapter 4

Twelve hours, one plane flight, and a rental car trip later, Lyla ends up in front of her father's dealership. Of all the places in Dillon, she doesn't know what brings her here first. She assumed she'd end up at her mother's house or maybe even her sister's place. Instead, she drove aimlessly to end up at Garrity Motors. Now that she has arrived, it seems like an oddly appropriate choice.

Considering it's midnight, the dealership lot is empty. Besides a quick check-in by her father, nobody will report to work tomorrow either. Buddy never believed in opening the lot on Sundays. She pulls into the dealership anyways. It's the middle of the night in her quiet West Texas hometown. Where else is she supposed to go?

Reminiscing, she thinks about her hatred of her dad's business. At first, she hated how it changed him. Later, she hated how it ruined her parents' marriage. She adds her anger to the list of ways she has become completely hypocritical. In the end, she takes right after her father. She's a dirty little cheater too, a nice little wrecking ball to perfectly good relationships. Many years ago, she smashed through the dealership to make a statement to him. Now, she sits here trying to understand why she never learns from her experiences.

Suddenly, a shout interrupts her silence. "Hey!" Lyla jumps. She can't make out who's speaking. With the onset of adrenaline, her heart pumps faster. She presses the automatic lock button on her door. Rolling her window open a crack, she tries to get a better lock of the figure in the distance. Is it an intruder? Could she really be that unlucky?

"Hello?" Lyla hesitantly asks into the darkness. "Hello?" she repeats, raising her voice.

"Listen, if you think you're going to be on my lot at this time in the night then you better think again-"

Her muscles relax as she processes both the voice and the words coming from it. She interrupts him, "Daddy, it's me."

Next to her window, her father emerges from the darkness. "Lyla?" he questions in disbelief as he catches a glimpse of her face. "What in the world are you doing here? And at this time of night!" he exclaims.

"I could ask you the same thing," Lyla remarks, wondering why her father's alone at his dealership at midnight. "Come in," she offers, gesturing to her passenger seat.

As Buddy climbs into the passenger seat, he shrugs. "I spend a lot of nights here lately. Don't have too much to go home to anymore." He sounds pathetic, like someone drowned his dog.

"What about Kelsey?" Lyla asks, referring to the newest girlfriend. Unlike most of his flings, they had been together for over a year now. She thought they might actually have something real. At the same time, a break-up would hardly surprise her given her father's track record with relationships. Who's she to judge? She seems to be heading down the same path.

"Left me for a younger man," Buddy mutters bitterly. "That's what you get for cougars being all the rage these days."

Tilting her head to the side, Lyla peers at her father. He did not just refer to his latest conquest as a cougar. She wants to vomit. Still, she actually sympathizes with him. The feeling surprises her. She forgave her father a long time ago, but struggled with his decision for many years. Now, she relates to him more than ever. Despite his mistakes, she wants him to find happiness. It scares her. "I'm sorry," she gently apologizes.

Buddy smiles. She swears she sees a wistful look shimmering in his eyes. "Thank you, baby. Now, tell me, why are you here? Not that I don't love to see you, because I do, Lyla."

"I just needed to come home for a couple of days," Lyla explains truthfully. "I'm staying until late Tuesday afternoon."

"Can't you stay longer? It's been so long since you've been around, baby." It's true. She's been gone for years. Long ago, she decided she was done for good with Dillon. Oops.

Lyla shakes her head. "I have work. I'm already missing a couple of days to be here."

Buddy raises his eyebrows. "You're missing work? Is something wrong?" Exaggeratedly, he places his hand on top of hers. He always does go a little bit too far with the sentiment. Only now, she realizes he means well.

"Mhm, I made some mistakes," she admits, finding it easier to tell her father about her flaws than Jason. Unlike Jason, Buddy Garrity always has been so flawed himself. All of her imperfections seem tinier around him. How can he not accept her after she's forgiven him? She figures that it's the ideal eye for an eye scenario.

"What kind of mistakes, baby?" Buddy inquires, slowly annunciating each word. Over the years, he always tried so hard to comfort her. More often than not, his efforts fell short. His over the top sympathy appeared fake to her. Nothing he could say would faze her. Now, everything was different.

Lyla answers him with a question of her own, "Why did you cheat on Mom?" Staring into his eyes, she works to keep her voice as level as possible.

Buddy looks startled. Even after all the years, he hates talking about the divorce. "Oh, come on now, that's the past," he shrugs it off.  
Unable to let it go, she shakes her head. "Please Daddy. I need to know why," Lyla insists as sweetly as possible.

"I- I don't know," Buddy stutters. "I really don't know."

Knowing how she feels, the answer should be good enough. It's not though. Lyla needs a better answer from him than her own. After all, he has had all the years to figure one out. She needs to know that there's some sort of answer. "Just give me something. There has to be a reason," she pleads.

For a moment, Buddy's quiet. She seldom sees her father silent. He's always blabbering on and on about something to someone. He clears his throat, "I'm a weak man," he finally says. "I saw Angela and for some fleeting moment, I wanted her. At the time, I didn't want very much. You see, Lyla, I had it all."

"So the first time you wanted something, you just needed to have it?" Lyla's trying so hard to understand. She's trying to apply it to her own life. She thought understanding would have come easier now, seeing how she's making the same mistakes.

"No. I think I probably wanted one thing or another before Angela Collette. It's just that moment, I was weaker. Having everything can do very bad things to a man. I just- I got greedy," Buddy confesses. "I made the biggest mistake of my life, cheating on your mother. Once I lost everything important, I realized just that. Sometimes you learn a little too late," he adds. She notices how he looks truly devastated when he ponders his reasoning out loud.

Lyla appreciates the insight gained from her father's confession. Simultaneously, she feels a twinge of disappointment. She expected it all to help her more. She never thought of herself as greedy, but maybe she has been taking it all for granted. In order to understand, maybe she needs to lose it all.

"Mom's happy now," Lyla reminds him, in some effort to console her father. "You'll be happy again too." She isn't certain that he'll find the same happiness as her mother. She sincerely wants him to find some semblance of happiness.

"I am happy," Buddy answers with a smile. "Especially now that you're here, baby. Now tell me, what does my history with Angela Collette have to do with your sudden reappearance? Is this something to do with your mother?" His eyes widen, "She's not pregnant, is she? Some of that IVF nonsense?"

After all this time, her father's still jealous of her mother's new husband. She can't help but chuckle at the idea of her mother pregnant right now. "No Dad," she reassures him, shaking her head. "I told you. I'm here because I made a huge mistake."

"I'm sure you're overreacting," Buddy tells her. He still thinks of her as his perfect little princess. Occasionally, he still calls her princess. She needs to remind him how much has changed since her childhood. He always has excuses for her actions. She can't let him excuse anything she tells him today.

Telling her father is so much easier than telling Jason. "I cheated, Daddy," she confesses, without squirming over the words.

"Cheated at what, Lyla?" he questions, not quite understanding even with her direct approach.

"On my completely wonderful fiancée," she confirms. It feels wrong not to say his name. It reminds her of Gabriel's own avoidance. She needs to keep it personal. "I cheated on Carter."

"Oh baby," Buddy immediately soothes her. His eyes widen and for a fleeting moment, Lyla almost thinks she sees a hint of excitement flash through them, "You're telling me this first, even before your mother?"

Lyla shakes her head. She hates how her father feels the need to add his own propaganda. Can't he let go of the competition right now? It pisses her off. "Well, you know, I thought you have more experience with the subject," she spits back. She knows how unfair she's being, but she wants her comment to reach him.

Buddy flinches. "You're right. I know how difficult it is," he replies sympathetically trying to make up for his selfish moment.

Lyla knows his empathy is real. Still, it doesn't bring her any relief. It makes her feel dirtier than ever. It feels so false, like she's bonding with her father over their affair history. It doesn't matter that neither of them are proud of what they did; they did it anyways. How can she forget how her father's affair with Angela Collette destroyed her mother? Soon, she's going to devastate Carter the same way. There's no way to take solace over such an awful act.

"It's my own fault it's difficult," she sharply sputters. "I brought it on myself. I certainly deserve all the repercussions."

Buddy places his hand back onto her arm. "It's a terrible mistake. Everybody makes them, Lyla. Just because you made the mistake doesn't mean it has to hurt any less."

It did hurt like hell. She can't chalk it all up to a mistake though. Over and over again, she's repeated her "mistake". She focuses in on his eyes, "When Carter finds out what I did, it is going to break his heart. I can't justify his pain at all. So quite frankly, the answer is no Dad. My pain as the adulterer does not matter." She knows she sounds slightly overdramatic, but overdramatic often works best with her father.

Without a word, Buddy nods. "You're not planning on sleeping in this car all night, are you?"

Honestly, Lyla hadn't really planned on sleeping tonight. She had taken a nap on the plane. In her current state, sleep hardly seemed important. "I was planning on just taking a ride through town, seeing how things have changed."

"That's ridiculous. Your mother would kill me if I didn't insist that you come home with me to sleep in a proper bed tonight. And let's face it; she's already on the verge of killing me half of the time," Buddy tries to joke, despite the bad timing of bringing up her mother despising him.

If she says no, Buddy will probably just insist of driving around town with her all night anyways. Getting a little sleep can't kill her. "Fine," she sighs. "Bring your own car though. I'm heading out early tomorrow morning," she bluntly informs him.

Agreeing, Buddy gets out of the rental car. He rambles on about her staying for breakfast first. Lyla doesn't really have any intention of spending the morning at her father's place. In fact, she's planning on setting her alarm early to avoid a longer reunion. Before she goes back to Nashville, she'll make sure to say goodbye. Until then, she has some people to see.

Her father pulls up in front of her. She starts to follow him down the familiar Dillon streets. Soon enough, they'll be back at his place. She has a lot to accomplish in Dillon and not very much time to complete all of her tasks. It's time to get some sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

By nine o'clock in the morning, Lyla arrives at her next destination. Despite the necessity of starting early, she feels weary about visiting so early on a Sunday. As a token of peace, she holds a huge box of donuts in her arms. Hopefully, they will be getting ready for church. She rings the doorbell.

With apparent drowsiness in his eyes, Eric Taylor opens the door. To her relief, he wears what appears to be church clothes. His forehead wrinkles when he sees her. "Lyla Garrity," he remarks, dragging out her name a little. He doesn't look particularly shocked to greet someone unexpected on his doorstep so early in the morning.

While she's by no means an expected visitor, her appearance shouldn't be too startling. These days, she keeps in touch with Mrs. Taylor. She considers Tami a bit of a mentor. She smiles brightly at Coach Taylor, "I know it's really early to be having a visitor. I'm just in town for a little while and I wanted to catch up with Mrs. Taylor," Lyla explains, offering him the donuts.

Taking the donut box from her hands, Eric gestures her into the house. "It's damn early," he mutters. "Tami," he shouts out around the corner. "She's getting ready- poofing up her hair and all. How the hell have you been?"

"I've been good," Lyla answers, both telling the truth and a lie all at once. "How are you?"

"Ah you know, as good as ever around here," Eric replies, waving her off. "You catch a lot of live music out there in Nashville?" He opens the donut box to pull one out.

Lyla laughs. When you bring up Nashville, everyone always asks about the country music scene. Unfortunately, her musical passion is a pretty shallow spring; she likes the pop country best. She hardly appreciates the great Grand Ole Opry acts that frequently past through her city. "Not too much, I'm a busy woman. It's great though," she answers politely.

"Nice, nice," Eric concurs, glancing around for his wife. "Tami!" he yells again up the stairs. He takes a big bite from the donut, gesturing for her to have one too. Lyla can tell he wants to go finish whatever he was up to before she came. He looks back at her, "So you talk to any of my boys lately?"

Lyla does not need to clarify who he means by boys. She knows that Coach Taylor still feels a special bond with his former players, particularly Jason, Tim, Smash, and Saracen. From her friendship with many of those guys, she also realizes the feeling is reciprocal. She grins. "I still talk to Jason all the time."

Smiling back at her, Eric looks happy, "Oh yeah? How's that little boy of his doin' up there in the big old city?" He inquires, referring to Noah.

Between the pictures, video chat, and their sporadic visits back and forth, Lyla sees Noah a lot. "He's not so little anymore. Already eleven! It makes me feel old," she exclaims. She finishes quietly, "But Jason would probably want me to tell you that Noah loves his football. He plays quarterback."

Eric's eyes soften. "Quarterback, huh?" he remarks. She understands how the idea of Noah playing quarterback affects him. Every time she thinks of Jason's son playing his old position, she feels the same way. "Last time I spoke to Jason Street he mentioned that his son was gettin' into football. Can't say I'm surprised. The kid's posed to have a lot of talent." Under his breath, he reiterates, "A lot of talent."

"Absolutely," Lyla agrees. Noah did have a lot of talent. As much as Jason downplayed his son's future in football, she knew that Noah had the type of potential to be quite an accomplished player.

Finally, Tami comes racing down the stairs, "Oh my, Lyla!" she greets. She gives Eric a look, "Honey, why didn't you tell me Lyla was here!" Throwing her hands out to Lyla, she gives her a warm hug, "Aw honey, what in the world brings you back to town?"

Eagerly, Lyla hugs Tami back. She is certain that Tami can help her. "I need some guidance," she murmurs.

With a little wave, Eric heads toward the living room. "I'll let you ladies catch up. Nice to see you, Lyla." Despite liking Eric Taylor well enough, Lyla is glad when he leaves. She came with the intention of talking to Tami. With Eric in the room, she would not have said half of what she needs to reveal.

Worry appears across Tami's face. "Oh no. Honey, what's the matter?" She gestures toward their sunny kitchen. "Come on in here. I'll get you a cup of tea. Did you bring those donuts? How sweet!"

With a nod, Lyla follows Tami into the kitchen. "Is Gracie around?" she asks, wanting to make sure that they talk alone. Despite slowly revealing her secret, she still feels embarrassed for others to find out.

"Oh no, she's off at Sunday school. I'm afraid we'll have to be getting to church soon ourselves. The service starts at ten," Tami apologetically explains. Hurriedly, she elaborates, "We can draw out leaving here for another good fifteen minutes. There'll be plenty of time for a cup of tea! Of course, you can join us and stay for brunch afterwards too, if you'd like." She pours some hot water from the tea kettle into two cups.

After spending her entire childhood in the town, Lyla still often forgets the way of life in Dillon. Everything happens more smoothly and quietly than in Nashville. By all standards, Nashville is a slower paced city and yet Dillon still emits a completely different vibe.

"Aw, thank you. That's okay though. I'm not in town very long anyways," Lyla admits. Taking a sip of her tea, she begins to explain her predicament, "Do you remember when you found me under the bleachers? After the whole Tim scandal?"

Pointing her finger to her brain, Tami chuckles, "Oh my sweetie, my memory's a little hazy these days! You'll have to excuse me for getting old. But yes, I think I do remember it vaguely. You were a sad little thing under there, weren't you?"

With a tiny smile, Lyla nods. She had been an absolute mess that day. "Everyone hated me, for what I did to Jason." She deliberately pauses. "I hated myself."

"You were a young girl being way too hard on yourself. Now that you do the job, you must see how girls get like that all the time. And you- you easily went through more than any teenager's supposed to go through," Tami justifies, unaware of where their discussion is heading. None of those excuses work for Lyla anymore.

As much as Lyla appreciates Tami's support, listening to her justification hurts her. "I know. I mean I get that even though it doesn't make it okay. But, I didn't exactly learn from any of it."

Shaking her head, Tami sips the tea. "Aw, honey, I think you learned a lot from it. What would make you think not?"

Lyla stares at the tea cup on the table. Peering up at Tami, she answers, "I'm doing it all over again."

With a sigh, Tami grabs hold of Lyla's hand. "You're cheating again? Sweetheart," she confirms gently. Lyla admires Tami's ability to listen without judgment in her voice. At school, Lyla works so hard to accomplish the same vibe.

Softly, Lyla looks into Tami's eyes. Without a word, Tami already knows. "His name's Gabriel," she whispers. "He's a great guy. Really, he deserves so much more than what I'm giving him. But somehow, he thinks I'm worth it." She shakes her head, "I'm not worth it."

"Well, you have a lot of great things to offer somebody. Gabriel must recognize those attributes in you," Tami conjectures. "Does he know that you're engaged, Lyla?"

"Yeah, I've told him from the start. I didn't mean it to keep going but um- it's been a little while now. He's still falling for me, pretty hard. It sounds so twisted but I don't want to hurt him either," Lyla admits with tears filling her eyes. Thinking of Gabriel's face after she turned down brunch, her stomach clenches. He deserves so much more.

Squeezing Lyla's hand, Tami prompts her, "Alright, alright, well Lyla, I don't think that you came over to hear me tell you what to do. I think you already know."

"I- I don't know how to actually get myself to tell Carter," Lyla whispers.

Looking away for a moment, Tami seems to try to find the correct advice. She shakes her head, looking at Lyla with a somewhat sad expression on her face. Rather than responding, Tami changes the subject. "Did you know Tim Riggins lives in Austin now? He and Tyra Collette have a nice little home and family there."

Of course, Lyla knows about Tim and Tyra from Jason. Still, hearing about Tim's happy little life hardly clarifies what to do with her screwed-up situation. Confused, Lyla looks back at Tami inquisitively. "What does Tim have to do with telling Carter?"

With a smile, Tami shrugs. "Oh, I don't know. I just think you outta go visit Tim and Tyra. Now I know that you girls had your share of drama back in the day, but it's important to see some old friends. Sometimes, for me at least, it clears some things up."

Does Tami want Lyla to talk to Tim about the affair? Hardly considering the possibility, Lyla dismisses the notion. As much as Tim may forgive her, telling him would be a stupid decision. They live far apart now in disconnected lives. Tyra probably would threaten to kill her if Lyla visits her turf. Honestly, for all the respect she holds for Mrs. Taylor, the whole idea sounds terribly awful.

"Oh, I don't know," Lyla waivers, considering that Tami must have some motive to suggest such a visit.

As Lyla waits for Tami to persuade her, Eric pops his head around the corner. "Hon, we really need to be getting going to the church," he reminds Tami with a little smile at Lyla for good measure. Lyla recognizes that the fifteen minute estimate was a bit of a stretch.

Glancing at Lyla, Tami gestures to the tea and the table. "Oh babe, I'm in the middle of something right now. Let's wait a few more minutes."

"As much as I love speeding, we need to get a move-on. Gracie's going to wonder where we are," Eric insists. With a quick look at Lyla, he adds, "You're more than welcome to come along."

Standing up from the table, Tami sighs. She has scribbled down an address on a piece of paper from a nearby address book. "Lyla has a bit of a trip to make today. She's going to have to be starting about now to have time for lunch, right honey?" she asks with a twinkle in her eye. "Trust me," she mouths to Lyla, handing on the little sheet.

When has Mrs. Taylor ever led her in the wrong direction? A visit to see Tim and Tyra never was in the cards. Now, she knows that she has to head out to Austin. She needs to overcome her reluctance to visit and go. "Yeah, you're right. I'm off to Austin," Lyla confirms.

With promises of visits again soon, Lyla says goodbye to the Taylors. As she heads back to her car, she prepares herself to see the counterpart of her first affair, her fleeting love, and her perfect fantasy. Tim Riggins- now this wonderful husband, father, and owner to a sweet little home. Meanwhile, she keeps up appearances only to cheat again. Who would have ever guessed that she would be the one stuck in time while he grew up?

With a whir, the engine starts. She types the address that Tami gave her into the GPS. Lyla takes a big deep breath. Here goes nothing.


End file.
